Tag Archives: humor

BP Ready To Resume Oil Spilling | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

LONDON—A year after the tragic explosion and oil spill that caused petroleum giant BP to cease operations in the Gulf of Mexico, the company announced Wednesday that it was once again ready to begin oil spilling. “People said this company might never rebound from last year, but we’re here and ready to do what we do best,” said BP chief executive Robert Dudley, who confirmed that the company had already successfully conducted small test spills and that full-scale spilling operations could resume as early as July. “We’ve reorganized and regrouped, and now we’re ready to put the faulty blowout preventers on the wellheads and watch them pump raw crude petroleum right into the environment.” BP stock jumped $14 a share following the announcement.

putemBP Ready To Resume Oil Spilling | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

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‘The Economist’ To Halt Production For Month To Let Readers Catch Up | The Onion

LONDON—World-renowned news and opinion magazine The Economist announced plans to suspend any new online and print content for the next month in an effort to finally allow subscribers a chance to catch up. “It’s only fair to our readers,” said Economist editor Winthrop Parker, adding that there was no reason for subscribers to feel ashamed for not necessarily knowing every last detail about the current economic and geopolitical climate. “Even just scanning over some of the feature stories can sometimes take two or three daily bus commutes to finish. After all, some of these issues have as many words in them as a short novel. No one should be expected to do that in one week.” In related news, ESPN The Magazine announced Monday it would be suspending publication indefinitely until its readers learned to read

putem‘The Economist’ To Halt Production For Month To Let Readers Catch Up | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

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